Okay, you've read the tag line, and I can honestly tell you that no matter how implausible it may seem, it's true.

I know, I know, you're sitting there saying, "Yeah, right, I'd never get sick of driving a Viper on a track!" Yeah, that's what I said, too. But, you'd be surprised at how hard driving a fully prepped Viper lap after lap is, and how much it takes out of you. However, in the interest of journalistic integrity and a dedication to bringing you, the reader, the most complete and entertaining story, I pushed myself to the limits and sacrificed body and spirit.... Oh hell, it was a blast and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, even if I did end up stiff, sore, dirty and humbled by the end of it all!

No Mickey Mouse Vacation
So here's the deal. We got a letter in the mail announcing that the Justin Bell's Viper Driving School was down in West Palm Beach, Florida, at Moroso Motorsports Park. Three days of driving prepped Vipers at whatever limits felt comfortable. It took about two seconds to make the decision it needed to be a story Being based in Lakeland, a mere 3 hours away, we're practically locals. But for the rest of the country, here's what we'd suggest: When coming down to Florida for your winter vacation, drive right on past Disney, their annoying tea cup ride and $13 cheeseburgers, and keep going until you hit Palm Beach. Moroso's road course beats Space Mountain hands down.

Besides having more fun than anyone should be allowed, there are some serious benefits to attending a high performance driving school, not the least of which is that it makes you a better driver. And for those of you who think you already know how to drive, take our word on this, too: You don't. Really. Going through a high performance driving school is a humbling experience for a lot of people. We've all hot footed our cars around town, played Bob-Dodge-And-Weave on the interstate, and have maybe even executed the perfect no-lift powerslide through a corner a time or two, but you know what? You got nothin'! Strap your keister into a five-point harness, fit a brain bucket to your noggin, and go at it with someone sitting in the passenger seat who really does know what they're talking about. Better yet, let them take you for a ride, and you'll see what I mean.

Which brings us to my next point. All you Viper owners out there who want to start adding go-fast goodies to your newest toy need to realize one very important point-that Red thing sitting in your garage is already more car than you can handle, just the way it sits. Just because you own one doesn't mean you know how to drive it. And that's not sour grapes; it's just a fact. Every student in the class I attended owns a Viper (with the exception of that one Lamborghini Diablo owner, and he said he's going to replace it with a Viper), and they all agreed that as it comes from the factory, Dodge's Viper is more car than most people are capable of handling, and in the wrong hands it's just plain dangerous. And unless you've attended a driving school and gotten some professional instruction, you are the wrong hands. You should consider the cost of this school right along with the purchase price of your car.